So after four days of successful restriction and self-control, I tripped in the pit, on purpose, and haven't landed yet. And I believe that landing is going to be pretty hard. This is my second time masturbating after the four day success and that consecutive. Any significant progress? I don't think so. Time to look at the basics then: Why am I Masturbating? And, Why am I not stopping?
The first masturbation was an act out of pure curiousness. I always wondered what is this thing masturbation people always talked about so the blame for getting me involved in this mess goes to the internet and the people. Now comes my part of continuing this deleterious practice. Well, I just continued masturbating. That's it. And I couldn't stop. No matter how hard I tried, something would trigger these awful feelings, probably my hormones, that I could not manage to control. I never tried. Further, I would always find an excuse to masturbate, be it my angry dad, a bad day, bad grades, socially embarrassed or just a little horny scene in a movie. The thing is I never tried, because trying is 'hard' and I'm not strong enough for that. I am too lazy, and here I go again making all sorts of excuses to escape. I need to stop making excuses, I promise, like I do every other night and fail afterwards, making me feel miserable for the next whole day and committing same thing in the night ! I fucking need to get a life. Literally.
I've grown thinner, my knees are weak and I run out of breath. All are the signs of excessive masturbation ! From this point onwards I'll continue to write as it has helped me and add some other productive hobbies to my schedule. I'll try to stick with my religion, morals and values, and most of all I'll try listening to my parents because I just realized Allah's not coming down to stop me, but He's going to stop me, with words, through my parents. I hope it works. Until then, I'll repent and seek redemption and hope Karma doesn't get me.
The first masturbation was an act out of pure curiousness. I always wondered what is this thing masturbation people always talked about so the blame for getting me involved in this mess goes to the internet and the people. Now comes my part of continuing this deleterious practice. Well, I just continued masturbating. That's it. And I couldn't stop. No matter how hard I tried, something would trigger these awful feelings, probably my hormones, that I could not manage to control. I never tried. Further, I would always find an excuse to masturbate, be it my angry dad, a bad day, bad grades, socially embarrassed or just a little horny scene in a movie. The thing is I never tried, because trying is 'hard' and I'm not strong enough for that. I am too lazy, and here I go again making all sorts of excuses to escape. I need to stop making excuses, I promise, like I do every other night and fail afterwards, making me feel miserable for the next whole day and committing same thing in the night ! I fucking need to get a life. Literally.
I've grown thinner, my knees are weak and I run out of breath. All are the signs of excessive masturbation ! From this point onwards I'll continue to write as it has helped me and add some other productive hobbies to my schedule. I'll try to stick with my religion, morals and values, and most of all I'll try listening to my parents because I just realized Allah's not coming down to stop me, but He's going to stop me, with words, through my parents. I hope it works. Until then, I'll repent and seek redemption and hope Karma doesn't get me.
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